READ THIS CAREFULLY
Welcome to the Morning Musume BBS! We're one of the oldest Hello! Project forums on the Internets. We're also the home and motherboard for a few other exciting websites, such as blog!project, PROJECThello and TNLyriX.
You may have heard a thing or two about us. Some of it may have been true in the past. Some of it may still hold true. After going strong for more than 10 years you can't help but gain some sort of reputation. But whatever you may have heard, don't let it discourage you. If you stay a while you'll discover that we're a fun and inclusive community for fans of H!P and other Japanese acts that appreciates quality discussions and contributions.
The Rules that you're about to read below are presented as they have been written by one and only Al Kusanagi back in the dawn of the MM-BBS. They are a part of our long legacy and we value them a lot.
Don't treat them too lightly.
But don't treat them too seriously, either.
The superior general rule we subscribe to is common sense. We believe that codifying and formalizing everything takes fun out of fun. So think of The Rules as more of a test of your sense of humour. You'll soon notice that we refer to them in their spirit rather than their word. Unless you really get under our skin. But it takes effort for that to happen and we'll first try to gently mould you into shape - don't feel offended if we do.
So once again, welcome and enjoy your stay. And with the above in mind, keep on reading.
THE OFFICIAL MM-BBS RULES
Listen up, you primitive screwheads!
This board is back, baby! Gone is the kindness and goodwill that allowed you morons (you know who you are) to thrive. Time for the pack to once again bare its fangs and cannibalize the weak! Or some other cool analogy.
First, a little history lesson. This is not those other boards. The whole reason this place was created was to get away from the bullshit that runs rampant in those places and the idiots that inhabited them. That being said, we make up our own bullshit and reserve the right to terminate idiots with extreme prejudice (after we get tired of making fun of them, of course). Here's the harsh truth: This is a home for H!P elitists. The best of the best. We could get along just fine without 90 percent of you. This is our world and welcome to it. Remember that.
Rule 1 Don't be an asshat: Asshats are idiots. Idiots get banned. Simple enough. So how about thinking before you post. More than one post like "OMG y0ssie iz the BesTest!1!" and you just might be facing a boot in the ass.
Rule 2 Earn your keep: Some members are more valued and respected than others, because they serve a purpose. Whenever someone's future is in doubt, we consult it as to whether they should stay or not. People who contribute, be it with downloads, legit news (none of that HK paper bullshit), release dates, reviews and the like are the top of the food chain. Opposite are the dirty, post-less leechers (who will be deleted on a weekly basis). Note: You may now also buy respect with pizza, whores, or good old fashioned cash.
Rule 3 Post counts mean dick: One thing not factored into respect level is the number of posts someone has. Quality, not quantity, folks. Fifty well-written, informative posts are worth more than five thousand "OMG LOLs."
Rule 4 Don't take it seriously or make it serious, um, -ly: Playing around is fine. 'Faggot' is a beloved term of endearment around here and we've all fucked your mother. But don't make it personal. Insulting people that like you is one thing, but making enemies is another. We subscribe to a lynch-mob mentality here. If enough people want someone gone and their 'assitude' rating is high enough, we'll boot them to keep the peace.
Rule 5 Hate the songs, not the singers: This if a board for fans of Hello Project. Treat them with respect. You don't have to like them all but, odds are, you bash one of them and you'll make everyone else (yes, everyone likes that member but you) pissed off. The following HP members are exceptions- Coconuts Musume, Asuka Fukuda, and Atsuko Inaba (I'll even let attacks at Yaguchi slide). You may also feel free to bitch about any decision that Tsunku makes.
Rule 6 We reserve the right: Ever hear the about the Golden Rule? "He who has the gold, makes the rules." We were here first. We have all the power. We're allowed to slap you around for no reason. It's good to be king.
Rule 7 Don't whine about being put in your place: Just because we didn't like you and kicked you out, doesn't mean we're unreasonable. We believe people can change and are (usually) happy to give second chances. If you get banned, try reasonably discussing it with us and if you show us willingness to change, we might just let you back. That is until you fuck up again.
Rule 8 You aren't worthy of speaking the name Maki Goto: Sorry, but only Al is allowed to have anything to do with her. It's better this way. Now change that avatar to an Aya Matsuura one before things get ugly. edit: Country Musume is also Al's exclusive property too. Step off, suckas!
Rule 9 Ayumi Hamasaki sucks: No argument to the contrary will be tolerated.
Rule 10 Rules subject to change/be ignored: We are your gods. We shape reality. If we say 1 + 1 = 3, then we have bent the laws of space and time to make it true.
Rule 11 (added 2011, because some of you nitwits need to have it spelled out to you) Don't bump old threads to inflate your post count and get closer to being promoted to a higher user group. The only thing this will get you closer to is getting your butt booted out. Read Rule 3 again. Post count limits on certain BBS sections are there for reasons, us getting to know you better and you becoming a part of the community being the main one.
Things that piss Al off
I'm the board's angry Tiki god. If anyone is going to kick you out, it will probably be me. Now, despite appearances, I'm actually a really nice guy and I don't want to ban anyone (well, almost anyone). I'm a firm believer in the 'three strikes, you're out' rule. The problem is, some people like to swing at the same pitch more than once. So here's a brief list of some strike-worthy offences:
Trolling Being a dick just to piss people off will get you nowhere. I want things running smoothly around here, not countless posts of board members bitching at some moron. Having your own opinion is one thing, being a cocksucker to everyone else is another.
The Rape of the English Language I can only take so many "LOLs," "OMGs," and I have zero tolerance for tYp1n6 L1k th15!11! In this world, your worth is determined by words on a screen. Use proper English, jackass. Yes, I realize that it's not everyone's first language, and those people are forgiven. There's a big difference between struggling with a new language and someone who speaks Counterstrike.
Knowing the Word 'Baka' Does Not Mean You Speak Japanese It's not so much a major gripe of mine, but a whole lot of people here can't stand someone who sticks random Japanese phrases into their English. Pick a language and stay with it. An occasional* 'Arigato' is fine, and of course it doesn't apply to song titles or lyrics. If you really want to show us your mad Japanese skills, this board handles Japanese text just fine.
'Message Board' Does Not Mean 'Chat Program' We live in a wonderful age where information can be transferred in a millisecond. Magical programs exist that let you type words and instantly have another person see them. I even hear talk of fabled 'microphones' that let you speak to others! Take the hint. Get AIM, ICQ, or whatever, but don't spam the boards. If the same two people respond to a post more than four consecutive times, you're getting into dangerous territory.
I also feel like coming up with guidelines to govern posting music and video clips, but I'll save those for when I really want to piss people off.
I think that covers everything for the time being. Now you all have an idea about how things work here. Play by the rules and everyone will get along just fine. If you have any problems with it, there's always the "other boards"
* - "occasionally" is interpreted at the BBS staff's sole discretion and normally means "never-fucking-ever". If you feel like disputing our interpretation, refer to Rule 6 first.